I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
