My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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