Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
