you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
