At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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