its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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