"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
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