you guys were way drunker than both of me
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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