onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
