no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
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