i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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