She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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