Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
