4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
