i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
