i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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