You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
