Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
