i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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