I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
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drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
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eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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