I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
