God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
