I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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