everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
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