one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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