one two three fourrrrnication!
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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