The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
