I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
