New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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