She announced her abortion via fbk
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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