Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
