i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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