he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
