So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize