I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
