I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Randomize
