Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
