why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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