started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
