After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
