I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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