look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
How does one acquire holy water?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
