Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
