It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
