I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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