im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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