I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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