Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize