Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
