dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
