just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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