apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
