I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you guys were way drunker than both of me
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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