Can i not drive my cunt home
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
