tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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