do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
