I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
50% drunk capacity currently
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
