Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
