I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
