okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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